As a rule, timid children require less attention to themselves. They are quiet and obedient, comfortable for both parents and caregivers. Many parents are not averse to having such a child for themselves, because they do not complain about them, they are calm, behave in a well-mannered manner. And in principle, a little shyness will not hurt the child.
There are no good and bad qualities in a person. It all depends on whether this or that trait interferes with a person or others. Let’s talk about shyness.
Everyone – both adults and children in certain situations can feel shy and timid. These are some new, unusual, or very significant situations when we are not very sure how to behave. Such a reaction is a kind of defense, an opportunity to take a break to think and assess the situation before taking action. This is a behavioral reaction to external conditions – situational shyness, inherent to a greater or lesser extent to any person. A stable personality trait is another matter.
Shyness as a character trait
The problem of shyness does not arise out of the blue – we all come from childhood. It is no secret that children are born with certain characteristics of the nervous system and temperament. Some are naturally active and lively, while others are calm and shy. In addition to congenital features, there is also a conditionally hereditary factor. Conditionally, because shy and shy parents are more likely to have a shy child. Precisely “maybe,” but not necessarily will, since the development of this quality depends on the behavior of the parents. When paying attention to this quality, shyness will simply be a sign of a reserved temperament.
In the process of development, the child goes through several periods of shyness: the first – from 7-8 months to a year, the second – about 4 years, and the third – in adolescence. These are periods of manifestation of this quality, associated with recognizing oneself, dividing people into friends and foes, and in adolescence – with deep knowledge of oneself, reflection, comparing oneself with others.
Positive moments of shyness
In general, many parents are not against a calm, shy child – he is very “convenient” to handle, there are no problems with him. By the way, shyness, as a character trait, is indeed in many ways favorable:
- Caution in communication. A shy child doesn’t tend to trust strangers. Most likely, he will not go with the first person he meets who promises him a chocolate bar.
- Observation. The restraint of the child allows him to look at what is happening from afar, which develops observation.
- Self-education. The lack of contacts is compensated by self-development – the child, having no friends, often chooses books.
- Logical and analytical thinking. Shy kids approach difficulties thoroughly, carefully analyzing and weighing all the options.
These qualities are certainly very important in life. But excessive shyness, unfortunately, can bring a lot of problems to its owner.
Shyness and quality of life
So, the period of shyness is an age stage, and it passes in the process of development and gaining life experience. And if shyness does not affect the child’s quality of life, then it should not be considered a problem.
But if this trait begins to interfere with the child to establish and develop contacts, to study normally, and affects his self-esteem, then this is a reason to pay close attention to this, otherwise the problem will worsen with age. Shyness manifests itself in children with complexes, insecure ones, and once established, it can eventually lead to isolation and social phobia, which, of course, will greatly interfere with a full life.
How to overcome painful shyness
How can you help your child overcome painful shyness and shyness? I offer parents a number of simple tips, following which will help to cope with this problem.
1. Do not focus on the child’s difficulties. Do not laugh at him, do not hang labels, do not discuss your quiet in his presence.
2. The simplest and most effective thing that his relatives can give a child is communication. Pay him as much attention as possible, talk to him. When a child sees that they are ready to listen to him and that he is interesting, his respect for himself grows.
3. Shyness goes hand in hand with low self-esteem. Encourage your child for any activity, for the smallest success in anything. Praise your child more often – this is the case when “you can’t spoil the porridge with butter”!
4. Develop his communication skills, teach how to behave in different situations. The main emotion that accompanies shyness is fear of everything new: people, circumstances. Invite friends and relatives into your home, from infancy expand the circle of people with whom you can leave the child – do not lock him on only parents.
5. Pay attention to your family’s parenting style. Excessive control and guardianship, as well as authoritarianism, do not contribute to the development of self-confidence. Teach the child to be independent: the more the child is able, the less he will be afraid of a new situation for him.
6. If a child’s shyness manifests itself most often in society – kindergarten, school, then it is necessary to develop his interests and abilities. This is both sports and hobby groups. The theater group is very effective.
7. At home, playfully practice different situations that scare the child. Any person is strained by unfamiliar situations; for a shy child, this is a sheer nightmare. Arrange “dress rehearsals” for any new situations in the child’s life: kindergarten, “first time in first grade”, moving to another area, and others. Pay attention to the child, tell him what he can see, hear, and what he can do.
8. And, of course, be patient. Stay close to your child in all difficult situations for him – literally hold his hand. And watch carefully when he stops being afraid – then you can let him go, giving you the opportunity to master yourself.
Be the support of your child in all situations, showing restraint and calmness – this will instill confidence in him. And then your child will easily overcome excessive shyness or shyness – and will be happy.